Most days Aura did what they could to avoid people. They would always travel alone instead of with a caravan. They would keep to the outskirts of small towns and cities, and sometimes even prefer to sleep under the open sky just not to be in the proximity of other people. These last two days however, she had had none of those choices.
She had been called to Thealan by one of her contacts, another reader who was based in the city. One of his customers had an issue, which he needed assistance with. And despite their young age, Aura was one of the best in the field. Part of her expertise came from their studies, they had always had an interest, in anything really, but most burning was her interest in connection energy. Ever since she was a kid, which to be honest she still felt like at times, creation and connection energy had always taken up some of her thoughts at any given time. And it still did.
Her fathers had had no way to pay for a finer school where they offered courses about energy, so she had to study it herself. Going to public libraries and finding what she could, while keeping up with her actual schoolwork. It hadn’t been easy, and looking back she knew she pressed herself too hard, knew she was working herself into stress and not paying attention to her mind and well-being. Sometimes they thought if they had been better at taking care of themselves, if they had listened to their worried fathers, if she had slowed down her pursuits after her first accident instead of pushing into a dead spring, they might not had ruined themselves. Most days they knew it didn’t matter. No matter which route she would have gone, cautious or reckless, she would probably end up right where she was. No need to tell yourself anything else.
Her studies was only the first reason for her expertise in the field of reading connections. But her true advantage was her second accident. They had it only two months after the first, which had left large burn scars across their face, neck and chest. Miraculously her eyes had been sparred, but marks like tendrils covered the left side of her face and her mouth – still making speaking painful at times. After that her fathers became truly worried, forbidding them from studying anymore until they could find a proper tutor for them. They did not comply. Aura had never been rebellious before, and their first act of rebellion was what sent them from their home, unable to explain themselves to her fathers. For two months she would lie every day to their fathers. Studying in secret, and every night she would push herself further. Wanting to prove they were in control. Until one night, that illusion broke. She was angry and sad and embarrassed she had messed up the first time, and she felt terrible for lying to her dads, who only wanted to protect them and make them take care of themselves.
Even today they still felt the shame of having let their dads down again, from having lied to them about their own safety. They were embarrassed of their own arrogance, and they had to pay for it for the rest of their life.
That night, she broke her own mind. She pushed herself too far, not completely knowing what she was doing, even today they did not quite understand how they messed up – and why it shattered her mind. It’s not like they shattered into multiple selves, no. And… and it wasn’t like burning out either, they thought it might be the opposite. Their link was still intact, and had she ever learned how to draw on it, it would probably work. But beyond being connected to their own link, they were connected to every link. All things of Everiall were connected to the world, things and people all the same. Every animal, every tree, every little pebble and child all connected to the world – save for those who had ruined their connection. And she was connected to them. She could see it all. She could feel it and sense it, like colours, like light, like sound. And she felt it always. That was her true advantage, and why even experienced readers called for a nineteen-year-old alf when they needed assistance.
That night was nearly two years past, they never told their fathers. Never dared to return home after what happened, as her fathers had forbidden her studies. She just left and hadn’t returned since – which was her most recent source of shame.
Now, finally after two days surrounded by thousands of people, she was on her way out of the city. They moved slowly forward along with the rest of the long line of people who all wanted to move out. This wasn’t normal, they sensed. Most of the people surrounding them were farmers and such, who had work outside of the city walls, and they all seemed confused. All their intentions were blasted to her. It was nothing like reading their minds, she did not know what they were thinking. It was more like sensing expressions. When they were near other people, they got impressions of peoples’ intent and emotions, and right now, everybody was confused. Some were angry as well, others scared, and some just bored or mildly irritated.
She pulled her hood tight over her head and closed her eyes behind her dark tinted glasses. When they were surrounded like this, they had trouble hearing themselves and feeling their own emotions, instead adopting whatever the strongest input was around them. So… at the moment she was confused, while also being aware that she wasn’t necessarily confused, but the people around them were. But whether the emotion had been hers first, or put on them by others didn’t really matter, they felt it equally strong.
They tried to keep their head about them as they slowly moved forward.
“All Faen move to the right control station, alfs to the left one!”, thundered a voice from the front of the line. People around them grumbled and started sorting themselves according to the instructions. Fear. As she was surrounded by alfs fear became dominant to confusion. They felt sick, like the world was swaying. They felt their stomach lurch but managed to stay on their feet and not throw up. I hate cities.
“Alright! Easy now! Keep calm!”, thundered the voice again. The fear of the crowd only rose as whoever was yelling failed to soothe their worries. Aura bent over and rested their hands on their knees. Breathing heavy and forbidding themselves from throwing up on their new boots. They were dark blue, with a thick plateau heel in a not quite matt not quite shiny leather. They almost thought they could smell the oil on them, and it made their stomach make rolls.
“Hey!”, thunder yelled”, “hey you!”. Shit. Someone put a hand on their shoulder.
“Are you well dear?”, a creaky voice asked them.
“Fine”, Aura breathed through her teeth. I really, really hate cities. “I just… just need to be alo-”
“No stopping the line!”, yelled thunder. Aura paid them no attention as they just continued to breathe.
“Dear, we need to keep-”
“I said no stopping!”, commanded the voice again. Alright. They gritted their teeth and took a deep breath before they started to move forward again. With closed eyes they moved towards the left control post, where she could feel the irritation and exhaustion of thunder-voice. He’s been here all day.
“Oh, good, do you need water? Are you feeling unwell?”, the creaky voice was still with them. They could feel his worry for them, and his relief when they started moving again.
“I’m fine”, they said, knowing the man didn’t believe her. But also knowing that people usually stopped asking the second time they were turned down – at least when they offered help. And this man turned out to be no different. His worry continued, but he had his own life to see too, and a young alf with no interest in communication would never be a priority to a stranger. Well… not never. Aura felt the man’s mind move from them to his own business and troubles. They navigated through the rest of the line all the way up to the control in darkness. Usually, the tinted glasses where enough to dull visual input, but right know even that was too much. With all these people, all this noise and life, she felt swallowed by it. Drowned by impressions, so to lessen these they kept their eyes closed, half stumbling forward. They did better without visual assistance than other people, as they did not need to see people or things to know where they were. However, keeping her balance without sight was trickier, and she knew she swayed as they made their way towards thunder voice.
“Stop”, he said when she had made it all the way there. They felt his suspicion. But also, uncertainty - or maybe it was worry for what seemed like a very unwell individual. “Step aside”, he told them, and added to someone else, “keep the line moving”. She stepped out of the line, now feeling more minds orienting too her as she was taken aside.
“Over here please”, thunder said, and they complied moving towards him. “Sit”, he ordered and again, they did as they were told. Relieved not to rely on their legs, as they felt they were about to fail her. She felt him taking a step back and surveying her closely. All his attention moved to her, and she… He’s scared. They felt his anxiety and as they cocked their head to the side his fear spiked for a moment. But they also knew he did not know them, and it was not them as a person he was afraid of. There looking for someone… someone dangerous. And he was afraid they were them.
“Remove your glasses”, he said. They might as well do as they were told, no use in making trouble. If they complied, they would be out of the city sooner than later. And they were so tired of the city, of feeling people and not knowing her own emotions or mind. She removed her glasses, and taking a breath preparing themselves, they opened their eyes.
They were blinded by light. Everyday no matter the weather, they wore their tinted glasses, and now after having closed her eyes for some time. The daylight brought tears to her eyes, and they had trouble keeping them open. The man in front of them stood with arms crossed, dressed in a city uniform, marking him as a public safety worker. She squinted at him, but the light forced her to shut her eyes again, leaving bright spots behind her eyelids. Shit.
“Open your eyes and look at me”, he ordered. She nodded and held up a hand to give themselves some shade. Squinting they opened their eyes again, hoping him seeing them wouldn’t bring her in trouble. Her eyes didn’t look normal, at least not for an alf. Due to their accident, their eyes had changed as well, they had no idea why that had happened. Before their accident they had been brownish-grey, now they were light pink, and their pupil had gone white. She thought this should have impacted her ability to see, but she saw no better or worse than before - with the exeption of seeing connection. The moment their eyes met she felt his relief, which quickly got exchanged for impatience… or maybe annoyance. His shoulders relaxed and he gave a short sight. They are looking for a leecher. They guessed. If he by their eyes alone could decide that they weren’t of interest, there wasn’t many other options. That must be what they were looking for, someone with blackened eyes.
“Are you unwell? You feeling sick?”, he asked them, not scared of them anymore but still uncertain as to why they had acted so strange in the crowd – well, that was their best guess as to why she felt scepticism on him still. They glanced to their right, eyeing the crowd of faen. Their line moved a lot quicker than the alfs’. So… maybe they knew the leecher was an alf? Or maybe faen just had it easier as usual.
“I’m fine”, they told him, their voice tired. They held up their glasses and gestured with them softly. The security man nodded and let her put them back on. “Just tired, not used to the city”, they added, trying to excuse their weird behaviour. They desperately wanted out of the city. Now again wearing their glasses they looked up at the man. His skin was dark, coloured like the sky just before stars would come out and his crystal was bright blue – balance-blooded light fae. There was a smattering of freckles across his nose, bright blue as his crystal. He eyed her back with a stern expression, but they knew it was a front – he was tired and with every person walking past with normal coloured eyes he became more and more tense. They got a feeling this leecher had been loose for some time already. Whoever it was might not even be in the city anymore. Better be on the look-out then. It would be dangerous to be caught alone with one of those.
“Can I go?”, they asked, as he didn’t seem to start any knew conversations. He sighed, his front dropping for a moment as he massaged his shoulder.
“Yeah…”, he said, gesturing for them to get up, “yeah, sorry to have bothered you”, he said as he let them past the control station. “Have a nice day”, he bid her farewell. She didn’t respond but nodded to him as she left and finally stepped outside the city walls once more.
