Day 300: In the mess hall, the air is thick with the smell of nutrient paste and stale sweat. A crackling vox-caster on the wall repeats the same priority alert it's been squawking for the last cycle. Something about a pair of Sarthari runaways in a flashy ship. Heretics, they called them. I tune it out. Let the Armada chase their little ghosts through the void. My concern is the dirt and blood of this world.
The siege of Cragspire has been taking longer than the Sorak declared it. I often wonder what will happen when we finally capture the planet, will we be able to march with pride through Caer Aeternum? I’ve heard tales of the city, but I’ve never met another Ironborn that has been there.
The Imperarch blessed us before we left, but it feels almost as if the blessing is wearing off. The people of this planet are peaceful, most of them work as priests and farmers, a disgraceful position for one of strength and honor, but they have their own will that guides them. I wonder if it gives them solace when the bombardment comes each day.
The thunder of the Kinetic Devastator Slugs shake the very mountains, but their will does not seem to shake with them. Our Sorak insists that they are not worthy and deserve enslavement, but they have held off the siege for longer than any expected a planet full of priests and farmers to. Maybe when this ends I will speak with one of them and they can explain what guides them.
Day 320: One of the Priests, an Ossari, tried to smuggle out children, I caught him on my patrol of the sector. I should have said something, but I merely stared as this elephantine man, with his extended trunk and oversized ears, looked through me with a face that seemed to understand what I’d been through.
Impossible, none understand the Trial of Flesh, none but other Ironborn!
And yet, I must figure out why they care for those weaker than themselves. It should provoke the instincts of a killer within me. I am trained to only seek domination, but what if the enemy doesn't fight? What honor comes from killing those who have no fight in them?
Should I check that the tunnel is hidden so no others stumble upon it…
Day 325: The priest was captured on the other side of the camp. Apparently he stood between three Ironborn and the children who were escaping, and he withstood the abuse that they gave… I must speak with him, discover what drives him… he is the only person that can answer my questions.
Day 327: I was able to get myself assigned to guard duty, a lesser position for a member of a Krumm-tharn, many of my squad mates scoffed when I told them I volunteered to watch a prisoner. I cannot define why I feel for the Ossari.
My fellow guard is a cruel Krumm, taking pleasure in beating a chained man, he offered me several swings, but I told him “I would keep a lookout”, instead I listened to the pummeling that the priest endured. The strength that he possesses is immense, the average Krumm would have fallen from the beatings, most of the time they try to prevent him from eating, thinking that will break him. Nothing seems to work.
Maybe, he truly has nothing to hold on for, he just endures because he knows nothing else. There must be a reason for it, this stoicism in the face of unrelenting anger and passion. Maybe the elders on Ka’Krumm are right and the only thing worth living for is to dominate all others before us.
Day 330: Yesterday after I convinced the other guard to leave, I was finally able to confront the priest, he wasn't a man of eloquence, he merely spoke what needed to be said. When I walked in he was more of a bruise than he was normal, his face appeared to be a lot of broken bones and flesh, but when he spoke, it was as though he was full of life. Below is what I remember of the conversation
Why do you sacrifice yourself for those weaker than you? If they cannot defend themselves then they are not worthy of life?
“And what taught you that? The trial of flesh?”
What do you know of our history? You think you have suffered? You know nothing of suffering!
“Suffering is not to survive against all odds, it is to survive in spite of the odds. If the world wishes to see you on your knees, then it is your duty to prove they are wrong.”
Duty? You speak of Duty? You know nothing of what it means to taste the flesh of your brother! You know nothing of killing your first enemy before you can speak!
“Do you truly believe that has made you stronger? That separating your life from all others but yourself has made you more–”
Before he could finish I heard the Sorak returning and left the tent. The other guard was with him and they both looked at me rather suspiciously. I must try to keep a low profile, but I fear they may start to question my loyalty. However, I can't stop repeating what he said “has this life made me more?” More…more what? More of the soldier I always wanted to be? Did I even want to be a soldier?
…who am i??? If I am not a soldier, what am i?
